Key spouses, incentive flights important part of spouse support system

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Brigitte N. Brantley-Sisk
  • 23rd Wing Public Affairs & 38th Rescue Squadron spouse
MOODY AIR FORCE BASE, Ga. --  After being married for less than two months, my husband left for a four-month deployment. For all spouses, having a support system in place both while the spouse is at home station and deployed is important.

The day after my husband deployed nearly two months ago, I received a monthly newsletter and social roster from the squadron's key spouse. The day after that, I received a letter from my assigned key spouse, offering to get in touch with me as often as I wanted, whether it be every day or not at all.

Although I don't know if every unit operates with the same efficiency, it seems important to make sure the loved ones left behind have a good support system to help them get through the tough times and feelings a deployment cause, especially on a base with a high operations tempo and deployment rate.

Key spouses are responsible for being a link between the squadron and the spouse, especially when the member is deployed and can't be one. I asked "my" key spouse from the 38th Rescue Squadron, Kristy Ellis, why this is important.

"Many times, there are things that a spouse needs to talk about or needs assistance with that they don't feel comfortable discussing with a male or someone on the 'inside," said Mrs. Ellis. "Key spouses are able to wear many different hats and are able to see things from the same side of the table.

"Most spouses are out of reach from their family, which leaves the spouse support system to fill that void; nobody is going to understand your life like a fellow spouse," she added. "Fellow spouses can sympathize and empathize, they can share your joys and your sorrows, and they can be your crutch, your pillow and your confidante. Though we're not here to become your best friend, we may end up being one!"

My key spouse further explained that spouses shouldn't be hesitant to socialize or reach out, regardless if their spouse is here or deployed.

"Each base, squadron, team and flight are different, so you can't make a determination based on the words of others or previous experiences," said Mrs. Ellis. "I have made some of the best friends of my life by taking just once chance and heading out to a squadron picnic or Christmas party. You've got to give it a chance."

Since I am active duty and don't have children, I don't have to deal with the difficulties of being a temporary single parent or being very unfamiliar with the military lifestyle. Despite that, it's still comforting to get to experience some of what my husband is involved with on a day-to-day basis.

During a recent Spouse Appreciation Day hosted by the 23rd Maintenance Group and 347th Rescue Group, I got the chance to take an incentive flight on an HH-60G Pave Hawk helicopter.

Mrs. Ellis said that for some spouses, getting the chance to fly is a chance to realize more about what their spouse does.

"They may not realize how draining it is to fly and might realize that a flight doesn't mean jumping in, switching the ignition and taking off," she said. "There are many more people involved than just the pilots- it's not as simple as flipping a switch."

Mrs. Ellis added it may also be a source of pride for some spouses, which is what it is for me. My husband's job involves the aircrew's flight equipment, often used by the pararescuemen from his squadron. While there weren't pararescuemen on the helicopter ride, it is what they often operate out of and I am proud of my husband, Staff Sgt. Clifford Sisk, for being an enabler to their mission.

While pride can go a long way, what's most important as a spouse is feeling that you are integral part of what the Air Force is accomplishing. A Soldier I recently interviewed made a good point when he said that the military lifestyle might be harder on the families since they aren't as prepared for it; servicemembers are trained to deal with it.

My father was active duty Air Force (still is) and growing up, I learned from watching my mother, who has been married to my father the majority of his military career, is that she seemed most content when she made at least a close friend or two.

Even I remember those friends of hers, like Rhonda, Daphne and Debbie. They made both her life as a military spouse and mine as a dependent a little easier. When my youngest brother was born, the rest of my siblings and I were packed off to Rhonda's house. Then my dad deployed, and it was Daphne and her husband who came over after a large storm to help us out. My godmother Debbie, the spouse of a now-retired AF master sergeant, is still close decades later.

I encourage every spouse to reach out to their husband or wife's unit and become a part of the spouse's group there, as well as the Moody Spouses Club. Having a support system will make your time as a military spouse more positive and fulfilling and key spouses can be an important part in making that happen.